Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Together and Apart

Posted: June 10, 2010 in Relationships

Just yesterday, Jesse James accused his ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder of driving under the influence of drugs with their young daughter in the car, in hope of regaining full custody of his daughter. Though Jesse was awarded the custody of the child with his then-wife Sandra Bullock in 2009, Janine is now contesting the rights to custody after the exposure of Jesse’s infidelity, which resulted in a split with Sandra Bullock recently.

How did Jesse and Sandra end up in such a state?

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Sandra met Jesse in 2003, when she arranged for her godson meet Jesse and tour the set of Monster garage as part of his birthday present. Jesse was buffed and masculine, while Sandra was simply attractive and beautiful. It was probably the physical attraction that sparked off the interest in each other.

Jesse and Sandra, both famous celebrities, were no strangers to the prying eyes of the paparazzi and the public, considering that they both were also linked to many high profile relationships with other celebrities prior to their marriage. This social similarity is also another factor which contributed to their relationship.

Jesse’s tattoos and bad boy image might have appealed greatly to Sandra, who by contrast was a total opposite of that. This is a good example on how opposites attract.

Most women prefer their men to be successful and competent (if not more than themselves). While Sandra was a famous actress, Jesse was a television personality and a CEO to a motorcycle manufacturer. The pair were compatible as they were both highly successful individuals in their industries. Jesse’s good physique and financial stability made him a very eligible bachelor.

The couple tied the knot in 2005 and appeared to have a very happy marriage, until Jesse’s affair with his mistress was exposed to the media last year. Sandra was quick to disassociate herself from her husband, and moved out of her matrimonial home before news of the scandal broke out; apparently, she received a tip-off from her publicist that her husband’s infidelity would make the headlines in the tabloids.

Sandra then made herself distant from everyone, and faded into obscurity, appearing later only to deny allegations that she had made a sex tape with Jesse. After the deescalation of their relationship, Sandra filed for divorce.

Sandra handled the separation well and ended it on a positive tone. She described their current relationship as “a different one. A bittersweet one. One of new understanding. One of forgiveness. One of support for his recovery.”, and bore little anger or hatred towards the man who cheated on her with not one, but several women. I find her approach extremely admirable, as not many women would have been able to handle the situation so calmly.

The separation process of Sandra’s marriage is a reflection on how Knapp’s model of relational development applies in reality. Though Sandra probably did not use it like a handbook, the principles mentioned by Knapp in the coming apart phase is pragmatic and evident in Sandra’s approach.

What do you think was the main attraction which resulted in the couple’s get together? Physical appearance? Individual’s competency (and success)? Social similarity, or dissimilarities? Share your views!


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